What My Parents Taught Me

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1.  My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE_*.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2.  My Parents taught me RELIGION_*.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.  My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL_*.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4.  My Parents taught me LOGIC_*.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5.  My Parents taught me MORE LOGIC_*.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6.  My Parents taught me FORESIGHT_*.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7.  My Parents taught me IRONY_*.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.  My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS_*.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9.  My Parents taught me about CONTORTION-ISM_*.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My Parents taught me about STAMINA_* ..
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My Parents taught me about WEATHER_*.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY_*.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE_*.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My Parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION_*.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My Parents taught me about ENVY_*.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My Parents taught me about ANTICIPATION_*.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My Parents taught me about RECEIVING_*..
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE_*.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My Parents taught me _**_ESP_*.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My Parents taught me HUMOR_.*
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT_*.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My Parents taught me GENETICS_*.
"You're just like your father."

23. *_My Parents taught me about my ROOTS_*.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Parents taught me WISDOM_*.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My Parents taught me about JUSTICE_*.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"*

But, there is one missing from this list ~~ oh yes, one even I remember

from way back then ........

26. My Parents taught me about CHOICE_*.
"Do you want me to stop this car?"